


I know that forever could never be enough

by daughter_of_thunder



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gift Exchange, Post-Canon, TBH Valentine's Exchange, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29461158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughter_of_thunder/pseuds/daughter_of_thunder
Summary: The car is....well it’s a car. A minivan to be exact. It’s a 1987 Toyota Townace LE and the only reason why she even has the privilege of riding such a trash heap is because her grandfather has just passed away and he left it for her in his will. And that’s really the only thing he left for her in his will.She’s not ungrateful, but the car is old and falling apart.“It’s as old as you, and you’re running just fine,” says grandma. If only grandma understood that cars don’t run on the same lifecycles as humans.---or, the sisterhood of the traveling pants, except its not pants they pass on but a mini-van.
Relationships: April Stevens & Blair Wesley, April Stevens/Sterling Wesley, Blair Wesley & Sterling Wesley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	I know that forever could never be enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paddingtonfan69](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paddingtonfan69/gifts).



> I tried hard to finish this before Valentine’s Day ended but life happened and the perfectionist in me has reviewed and edited it again and again.
> 
> I was given the immense honor and privilege to gift @paddingtonfan69 for the TBH V-Day Gift Exchange 2021 and I think all of us Stepril shippers know that paddingtonfan is one of our greatest contributors. We all holler at each other on Twitter and Tumblr when they’ve posted. Time and time again they have constantly raised the bar for us all, and doing it flawlessly. (Lol) Paddingtonfan really surprises us with every piece of fic they drop. The horny teen cinamatic universe would literally not exist without them. 
> 
> So aside from meeting my gift exchange responsibilities I wanted to create an homage of some sorts. I probably haven’t done it any near justice to the great work paddingtonfan puts out but I really hope you enjoy and also super happy to have participated in this gift exchange. 
> 
> I’ll stop stanning now.

**i. Ellen**

The year is 2003. The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrates upon re-entry over Texas (a tragedy). Arnold Schwarzenegger has been elected the Governor of California (since when do actors qualify as politicians?). Finding Nemo has come out (Dory is her, she is Dory). And Ellen Johnson, 16 yr old Willingham Junior, just got her first car.

The car is....well it’s a car. A minivan to be exact. It’s a 1987 Toyota Townace LE and the only reason why she even has the privilege of riding such a trash heap is because her grandfather has just passed away and he left it for her in his will. And that’s really the only thing he left for her in his will.

She’s not ungrateful, but the car is old and falling apart.

“It’s as old as you, and you’re running just fine,” says grandma. If only grandma understood that cars don’t run on the same timeline as humans.

But Ellen understands, they are poor. Dirt, redneck, poor. She grew up in a mobile home park at the edge of Sylvan Hills and Oakland City. Her grandparents, Easton and Elise Johnson, raised her after her mother, who was quite frankly a crackhead, dropped her off right after she was born. She has no idea who her father is and the only reason she knows who her mother is, is because occasionally she’ll show up to ask for money for drugs.

When Ellen was 5, her mother came by and practically wrecked the motor home. The woman had binged for a full week and came searching for more. Ellen cried and cried when the few toys she had were swung left and right, at least until her Grandma Elise had the sense to grab her and lock them up in the bathroom while Easton made the crazy woman go away.

As she held her and comforted her, Grandma Elise whispered, “The Lord made loved and cares for you very much, do you understand me baby girl. He has deposited His Grace on you and you must never be afraid. Always be brave, got that?”

Now that Grandpa Easton is gone, Ellen fears it’s only a matter of time before Grandma Elise is gone too. But she’s not scared, she’s always taken things in stride.Growing up she was the star pupil of her elementary school, middle school, and Sunday school. Her heart was always in serving others and despite not having the monetary access to help financially she sought to help through her time and talents.

At the age of 10 she was serving food in soup kitchens on the weekends. By the time she was finishing up middle school she was already the Bible School Coordinator for her church’s children ministry as well as a cherished volunteer in the community.

And word carried through because a week before finishing middle school her youth pastor called her. Apparently, a friend of his’s father was on the board of Willingham Academy and was offering a full scholarship to attend. Ellen got a tour of the place before school started and she was beyond awed at the opportunity the Lord had blessed her with. Without a doubt, Ellen said yes.

In her excitement and haste, there were a lot of things she overlooked. For one, Sylvan Hills to Buckhead was a train and bus ride shy of an hour and fifteen minutes.

There were other things too. Like how the kids there were all rich and snooty. But Ellen paid it very little mind, she focused more, prayed more, read her Bible more, and grew as God meant it to be.

So having a car truly was a blessing. Even if the car in question was a jallopey. She drove it in carefully to the Willingham parking lot, meaning to not catch any of the student body’s attention. Sneakily she got out of the minivan, her head down, gripping her backpack straps tightly to make haste.

“Johnson! What the helllll is that thing?” Unfortunately no haste could save her from her regularly scheduled tormentor Jake.

“Just my new whip, Jake,” she explained defeatedly, moving her feet quicker to get past him. Eventually he and his goons stood in front of her, blocking her path.

“Is that what they sell at redneck dealerships or is that all you could afford?” His others friend sniggered behind him.

Honestly one would think Jake’s comebacks were good considering they were standing in a private academic institution, but they were extremely subpar. Ellen didn’t respond, instead she looked ahead rolling her eyes.

Catching a whiff of her rebelliousness, he stepped closer to her to whisper venom in her ears. “Uh uh Ellen. Learn your place. You don’t belong here remember and you never will.”

It was really beyond Ellen how high school was so much like the movies she’d watch. There was the high school caste system and in Willingham she knew she might have never reached the top. Jake was mad because she was popular and she wasn’t popular by their means of popularity. She certainly didn’t have money or cars or mansions. She was popular because she was extremely kind and was always helping out. Ellen exuded confidence (in the Lord) and people just gravitated around her for advice and nurture.

She easily paid Jake and his bullying no mind. Besides on a daily basis she had bigger fish to fry, like making sure her and her grandma had food on the table and shelter over her head.

Jake stepped back and announced rather loudly, “And don’t park your trash heap close to our cars! We wouldn’t want our tricked out vehicles to get scratched with your deplorable junk.”

“Oh now Jake, don’t be mean,” a voice interrupted behind him. Ellen felt the heavens opened up a bit more to shine upon the angelic voice that had chimed in.

One of the other reasons Ellen was so popular. June Lee. The most popular girl in school, June was a true, modern Southern Belle. Her family was excruciatingly, filthy rich.

“Well, I am a descendant of Robert E Lee himself,” she’d joke in her thick drawl. Ellen wouldn’t be surprised if she was.

June was also extremely beautiful. She had spent her life in the beauty pageant circuit and had only lost twice. Both times later proven to have been bought by her most envious opponents. June was taller than most girls, blonde hair cascading well past her shoulders, light green eyes, and fairly leans and strong (she was in fencing). The blonde bombshell, the Willingham student body would whisper.

Most importantly though, June was Ellen’s best friend. And honestly, Ellen praised God everyday for their friendship. She couldn’t have survived Willingham without her. When she first came to school and everyone had made fun of her for her unapproved uniform (an overly large blazer from Goodwill, and a black sweater vest from her grandpa’s closet), it was June who’d give Ellen her old (but really practically brand new) set of uniforms. Everything Ellen needed to know of how the upper echelon lived, June taught her.

Sure, June had other girls fawn around her. June’s Disciples they’d call them, but if Ellen was a disciple she’d be John, the Beloved Disciple. It was no surprise to anyone that June would come to Ellen’s defense.

“Of course, Queen Virgin shows up,” Jake mutters. A silly nickname, considering that everyone here in a Christian academy is probably a virgin. At least, Ellen thinks.

“Now come Ellen, there is much to discuss and little time.” It’s like the seas part, the group of boys move and a hand pulls at her wrist willing her to continue on her original destination. “I like your car,” June smiles at her once they’re walking side by side, “it has...character.”

They make it to the fellowship room into the small office located inside. It’s technically Ethan’s office but he’s also the Baseball Coach and he just never uses this space so he loans it to the Fellowship leader. And well, June happens to also be Fellowship leader.

Inside, there’s already a Bible and a Fig Newton waiting for Ellen. Normally, Monday’s are for planning out the scriptures for the week ahead. They sit side by side and flip through the pages of God’s word and jot down notes. At least June is doing that, Ellen...well lately Ellen has been distracted.

The butterflies in her stomach haven’t quelled. They never have. They’ve been fluttering inside her since she met June. But now things were coming undone. Now, everything about June seemed more poignant, more beautiful. The girl could trip and Ellen would still think she was an angel. But it was so much more than attraction. June really cared for her, listened to her, and was loyal to her. So in return Ellen was there for her as well. It’s the least she can offer in the relationship.

June blushes. “Now I know you’re not staring at the Word of God like that. What’s got you all worked up?”

“You,” Ellen says and then gasps. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “I mean, sorry.”

The taller girl smirks. “I think we talked about this before.” Many times this year after Ellen came clean to her.

“Yes of course. It’s just really hard sometimes.” Ellen wanted badly for this “crush” to fade away, but it was persistent and if she didn’t know any better she’d say it was growing.

June finally turns to look at her. There’s understanding in her eyes, and something akin to longing, a tinge of it. “We mustn’t fall into the temptation of -“

“-disorderly passions. I know. I understand,” Ellen says solemnly. She looks down to her Bible. 1 Peter 2:11-12.

“Even if we did, Ellen, I’d only disappoint you.” June fiddles with her pen. This here, is perhaps the most hurtful part. The fact that Ellen knows that June reciprocates. It makes her heart beat faster and every glance carries more meaning.

June blames it on hormones and their age.And Ellen, well she wants to argue that she knows when love is love but it’s an argument she’s not ready to make.It’s too soon to say and she’s too naive to know if it really is.

June settles a hand against her cheek.

“But if it makes you feel any better, I think you’re absolutely gorgeous and you got a heart of gold.” Her voice is much too soft and Ellen can’t resist.

They lean closer, their eyes close together. Ellen waits for her lips to connect with hers but all she hears is the chair screech back. “I gotta tee tee something fierce,” is all she says. She doesn’t even spare her a glance and it hurts Ellen more than she thought it would have.

When she’s at the door though, June turns around. “Ellen, our friendship is far greater. We must safeguard it.” She’s right.

And Ellen gnaws at these feelings and ideas throughout the week, throwing herself into her work and academics.

“I will disappoint you, beloved. We will disappoint each other and hurt each other. It’s innate to us, to fall into sin and wear our heart on our sleeves. But His Word says that above all things to guard your heart. I will disappoint you but there’s someone who never disappoints, and his name is Jesus. Let’s think about this and pray, Beloved.”

Ellen continues to be distraught by these words from Fellowship that Friday afternoon when someone hits her car. For a second, she thinks it’s her fault and she groans. The car had spun multiple times and smoke is coming from the smashed hood. She does what any sensible person does, turns off the ignition and steps out. Ellen is okay, thank the Lord but as she stares at her precious car, tears prickle her eyes.

“Oh shit,” a young, burly black man approaches her. He has a cut along his left temple and only then does Ellen realize that his car got wrecked too. “Are you okay?”

She simply nods, too distracted by seeing her precious Townace destroyed. The tears start flowing.

“Fuck,” the young man mutters. “Listen, don’t cry, alright. I was just visiting some family I got over here. I can’t have you crying when the cops come. You’re a female white teen and it’s just bad rep for me. I’m a cop myself, see. A rookie but a cop nonetheless.” He flashed her his badge.

She wipes away at her tears. Getting this black man in trouble is the least of her intentions.

“It’s my fault. I was uhhh trynna get my....iPod to work,” jamming his thumb onto the harmless device, “....darn touch wheel.”

He pulls it out and Ellen can’t help but be distracted. She’s always had a penchant for seeing brand new technology. “Wow you have an iPod!”

He looks up, relieved that Ellen has paused her crying. “Yeah, listen. What’s your name?”

“Ellen”

“Ellen. Okay. I’m Bowser. Listen, I can pay for your.....what is it?”

“1987 Toyota Townace,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Right...Anyways I can pay for that and have it fixed up for you but I have a feeling that thing was already on its last leg so why don’t I just take it off your hands, have my insurance pay you out and you get yourself a normal poor student car, like a Corolla or something of the sort.”

Bowser’s proposal is anyone else’s blessing. She’s heard horror stories of people who hit and run or hit and have no insurance. But still, she turns to look at the car. June thought it had character and she was right. It did. Never one to be flashy, Ellen really only cared about getting to places. The car was still a gift from Grandpa Easton and in many ways, it represented her. Janky but with character.

She looked up to the sky. What would Jesus do? Was the Townace really a want or a need? As the sun finishes setting, and twilight enters Ellen realizes much like many of her other desires, that those aren’t really wants, and she must do what she has to do.

“I accept your offer, Mr. Bowser.”

* * *

**ii. Blair**

She hates Sterling for what she did, but she misses her like a little kid....

Sterling is gone. She left Atlanta in a hurry, far before school started. She’d told her parents it’s because she wanted a head start on getting to know people, getting acclimated and such. Which is really straight bullshit because Blair knows that the real reason Sterling ran away to the Bay early is because she managed to piss off everyone who loves her.

It was the surprise of the century. Sterling had everyone fooled. Their parents, Bowser...April. You see the original plan pleased everyone. Sterling got into Duke, Blair got into Chapel Hill, and April was farther away at Penn but not excruciatingly far which allowed for them to schedule out weekends together. “Todo mundo happy, everyone contento.” At least that’s the stupid happy-go lucky phrase their Spanish teacher taught them.

But it wasn’t a week before graduation that Sterling called everyone together and let the news slip. She never actually accepted Duke. Instead Sterling had applied to UC Berkeley, got in and had accepted. The living room was silent for a good solid minute. And then all hell broke loose. April simply stood up and left. Her parents shook their heads disappointedly (disappointed that Sterling had lied. They would always be supportive of whatever academic endeavors they chose to follow). And Blair, well she was just silent.

It wasn’t till the last day before school that she overheard the massive argument Sterling and April had.

“You’re -fucking- selfish!” April half-yelled, half-gritted.

“I’m selfish! You’re the one who had us in the closet all this time. I’ve always followed my heart and living in the West Coast is going to finally allow me be free from all the repression that his backwater community and you brought upon me.”

Blair pops in her headphones knowing shit is about to hit the fan but later when Sterling is crying under the covers, Blair stops having pity.

“She’s right you know?”

Sterling pokes her head out, her eyes bloodshot and weary. “You too?”

“It is selfish, Sterl. I always thought it was going to be me and you. But now you’ve made your choice.” Blair hates her words but they just seem like the right ones.

“You don’t understand,” her sister gasps softly tears streaming down her cheeks, “You and April won’t ever understand. I have to do this for me.”

Blair can’t help but agree. “Yeah I guess we don’t.”

Graduation comes and goes, and everything just feels to bittersweet. Sterling leaves three days after. She hugs her before entering the terminal and stares sadly when she doesn’t hug her back. In all honestly, Blair is still shocked. Still betrayed.

And now a shy three weeks later she sits in Yogurtopia still feeling the same but now worse because Sterling is not here and despite everything. Her soulmate is gone. Her better half. Her sister. She sighs and her shoulders slump as she cleans the fudge pump, hoping that once again Sterling’s annoyed smack could be heard.

Instead the door chimes ring bringing in a new customer. And lo and behold, her partner in sorrow walks in. In any other world, Blair would revel in seeing April grovel in pain at the hands of Sterling but seeing as in they were both in the same boat she actually felt bad.

April looked worse than when her dad went to prison again in the beginning of Senior year. Her hair was all frizzy and it showed that clearly this summer’s heat was going to be the last thing she would care about. Deep dark circles appeared below her glossy eyes signifying that sleep escaped her. And Blair got a whiff of her. She for sure had no showered.

“Hi Blair.”

“April...how can-“

Interrupting desperately. “Have you spoken to your sister?”

Blair shakes her head. “No. She’s being a bitch so I won’t be reaching out to her.”

“That she is.” They stare at each other uncomfortably because now that the one person who brought them together is not here there really isn’t much else to say to each other. Tragic, really.

Blair decides to break the tension extending a froyo cup the other girl’s way. “Here have some heartbreak froyo on me.”

Like a scared critter grabbing some food from a stranger’s hand, April approaches Blair softly. But when her hand grabs the container tears pool around her tired eyes. “I miss her so much Blair.”

Blair’s not going to cry. Not for Sterling, and while it’s true that she also misses her she won’t lose her dignity over it. She simply nods listening to the other desperate being standing across from her.

“Blair, Sterling is it for me,” April whimpers.

“I know.” It’s all she can really offer.

April zombie walks away to fill her froyo cup and sits in a corner when Bowser walks in. Blair herself had gone back to cleaning the fudge pump. She could feel his gaze on both of them. Blair swore if he asked them about Sterling too she would walk out.

“Ladies,” he says loudly, startling her. She looks up at him questioningly. Across the room, April looks up too. “Come into my office.”

“Me?” April points to herself.

“I don’t see any other lady I could be referring to right?”

Bowser let’s them settle into his office couch when suddenly rips at ‘em.

“Let me give you two a life lesson. When someone parts from your life, you don’t sulk. You gotta pick yourself back up again and stand straight even if your heart is torn to pieces. You wanna know why? Because you’re here beating yourself over someone who made a choice and is off living without remorse. So S-T-O-P Sulking!”

April drops her head ashamedly. What a chump, Blair thinks but also how dare Bowser categorize them together. At least she showers.

“Bowser I’m not sulking-“

“You’re fucking sulking Blair. You sulk differently from this one but you’re sulking.”

Blair crosses her arms and sits back letting herself drown into the couch. She supposed that perhaps she is sulking. At home she rarely says anything. Sometimes her mind takes her into this deep wormhole where she tries to explain why Sterling has made the choice she made and it only brings Blair suffering. Maybe, she thinks, it’s Sterling’s way of sticking it back to her parents because they lied for so long? Maybe Sterling’s gone because she knows Blair is not really her twin or her sister for that matter, and she doesn’t care. Blair’s goosebumps activate when she remembers the latter.

“Sterling made her choice. So now the ball is in your court: you either accept or her choice or deny it and let go. Now, the choice doesn’t have to be made at this minute. Let it simmer a bit but stay occupied. That’s why this summer I’ve decided to hire you both as my bounty hunters for a summer edition of teenage bounty hunting.” His hands open up with the proposal.

Blair turns to meet April’s widened eyes. Ugh, will she even last under her state? Her disdain seems to carry through to her face because Bowser continues.

“I know I lost my best gunslinger but Blair you know we don’t use guns to catch skips. In fact, I think Stevens’ dramatic flair and intelligence can help us capture the skips without causing much ruckus. Think of it as 007 and not Terminator.”

He has a point. Blair nods in agreeable. “Okay.”

“Okay!” A sense of accomplishment literally puffs Bowser’s chest and Blair wants to roll her eyes but instead turns to the other girl who hasn’t responded.

I mean, it’s not like she has a choice at this point and Blair knows she has nothing to do at home.

“Alright, great.” Bowser smiles also not caring for April’s consent either. “Blair, I’m letting you go early but take Stinky over here to wash up and start teaching her everything you know.”

Blair catches the other girl sniffing herself and cringing. Maybe Bowser’s pep talk and plan does pull em through for the summer.

Having realized that her shift truly is over she pulls out of her Yogurtopia apron and hat, motions Stevens out the back door and out into the backlot.

Blair stops suddenly though, making April crash into her when the door slams behind them. In front of her, stands a beat up, broken down mini-van? Is it a mini-van? It’s weirdly shaped like a box but she supposes that maybe at its original time the concept of shape fluidity didn’t exist.

While the dismantled vehicle presents numerous questions in her head it also brings about an influx of ideas, imagination, and creativity. Sometimes Blair astounds herself.

She turns around.

“Blair what-“ she pushes April to the side and starts slamming her hand down roughly on the one-sided locked back door.

“Bowser! Bowser! Open up, I have a question.” Suddenly the door opens revealing a disgruntled Bowser.

“Why can’t you go around?”

She shakes her head and points at the car. “What is that? And has it been there this whole time?”

“It’s a 1987 Toyota Townace and yes it’s been there this whole time.” His hands settle on his hips.

“A Toyota,” her nose crinkles. If she had to buy a Japanese brand she’d take a Nissan over a Toyota but none the matter.

“Can I have it?”

Bowser’s eyes widen. “Umm, you gotta pay me?”

“Pay you?! What the fuck? No you just have it sitting there like trash. Come onnnnn. Please Bowser.”

He crosses his arms attempting to intimidate her but she crosses her own knowing damn well she’s going to win this showdown.

“Fine.”

“Yes! Come on Stevens, let’s go. I have another project for us.”

Operation: Oregon Trail is simple.

Step 1: Build one of those Tik-Tok inspired #vanlife vans from the Toyota during the summer

Step 2: Go to school

Step 3: Come back to Atlanta and drive to UC Berkeley during Winter Break

Step 4: Beg for forgiveness

Step 5: Drive back home for the holidays with Sterling in tow

By Week 3, her and April were busy working on the van in the day and bounty hunting at night.

“Can you pass me the caulk?” April mutters by the corner she’s working on.

Blair smirks, “This cock?” She stands, the caulk gun positioned at her crotch swinging it in her hands in April’s direction.

Catching the joke much too late, April deadpans and rolls her eyes. “Give me that!”

Blair chuckles but never accounts for what she sees next.

“Besides,” April grips the edge of the rod and places it near her crotch while her other hand rubs up and down the tube of caulk, the liquid oozing out from the tip, “my cock is way bigger than yours.”

It’s only until they’re both literally rolling on the floor of the van laughing that Blair knows, this summer is definitely going to be a contender for her Top 5 Best Summers Ever list.

* * *

**iii. April**

Her fingers have frostbite as she pumps gas on the Ace. By the end of the summer, both Blair and her’s ass kicking in bounty hunting had paid off and they used the money to invest in the best for the Ace. The van was now equipped with new 4x4 locking hubs, a new oxygen sensor, a new alternator, new brake pads, new tires, a new battery, and a brand new Queen bed.

The feeling of accomplishment dwindles though when she goes to school. Penn wasn’t her first or her second choice. But it was an Ivy League and one far enough away that she can start being herself without anyone judging her. April has been waiting her whole life to come out of the closet and she does, at least to her mother and she pens a letter to her father in federal prison. That’s not really the problem though.

The problem is that the minute she steps on campus she realizes she’s no longer the main character in her movie. There’s 40,000+ students and everyone moves in and out of classes, student organizations, and greek houses. It’s overwhelming to say the least. She signs up to be in the LGBTQ+ student org, but even attending the first meeting she has trouble settling in. Everyone is so….out, that at the end of the meeting she feels like her parents at the country club: bitchy and judge-y.

Don’t get her wrong, April does manage to make friends at school. There’s Erin and Jen who are in her Feminist Literature class, and Alwyn, a cute gay freshman who she discovered sitting in the back at the next LGBTQ+ meeting like a deer in headlights. But none of them fill the emptiness she feels. The truth is that she knows that most of the feelings she’s feeling can only be quelled by Sterling Wesley.

April is nervous, and understandingly so, that when she finally makes it to Berkeley, Sterling will have already moved on. “I mean yeah she’s probably dating,” Blair says over the phone one night during their weekly check-ins. Blair has been a breath of fresh air during her stay here. They meet twice during their first semester. The first she travels down to North Carolina for a weekend and Blair gives her the “slutty tour” of Chapel Hill. It’s fun because they both get shitfaced but April regrets it when she has to stop three times on the side of the road to throw up as she drives back.

The second time, Blair meets up with her at Penn for Thanksgiving. They actually have a nice formal dinner and Blair brings a paper map to plot out their route for December.

“I finally called her,” Blair confesses.

“You did?”

“Yeah. She’s doing okay. She said she was actually really glad to have heard from me. I told her not to buy a ticket home.”

April really wants to ask her if Sterling mentioned her but she decides against it. It would damper Blair’s emotions at the moment and April was at a place where she really valued Blair as a person.

By the time December comes around she’s actually excited to go back home. She just hoped that home wasn’t as cold as Penn. It was.

“Fuckin global warming,” she mutters. Curse words seemed more common now in her language since moving out but also, let’s be honest, it’s all Blair.

“April! Is that you?” She jumps at the shrill voice behind her.

Turning around she fines herself face to face with none other than…… “Ellen!”

The woman throws herself and envelops April in a big hug. The old April never used to be one for physical touch but again after the Wesleys, all that had changed.

“Oh my goodness. You are now a college woman. Look at you. How’s Penn State?”

Part of her wants to unleash everything she’s been feeling these past few months but then again its Ellen. She foregoes it because she knows even Ellen won’t have the right answers. “It’s good. Everything is good, I have friends. I’m doing very well in my classes.”

“I bet, you always were a star -“ Ellen looks behind her at the Ace, “pupil.” The lithe woman takes a step back looking at the van in its totality. “Is this a 1987 Toyota Townace?” The wonder in her voice does not escape April.

“It is. Me and Blair actually flipped it before we left to school.”

Ellen’s eyes gloss over. She’s no longer there, April thinks, she’s transported herself to another place, perhaps another time. It happens to Ellen all the time, and April always wonders where in fact it is that she goes to. “Ellen?”

The blonde woman snaps out of it. “Oh sorry, I got lost there a bit. You know, I used to have a car just like this when I was a student at Willingham.”

“Oh wow, really?”

“Yes and she was a beaut! Of course, the other students didn’t think so but I thought she had character.”

April nods in understanding. “Well me and Blair are loading her up to drive to Berkeley and pick Sterling up.”

“Oh,” Ellen gushes, “that’s absolutely wonderful. I am so glad that you and Sterling were able to come together and work your differences aside, because I know what you two have is special.”

Now it’s April’s turn to transport herself. To a time when Sterling was just some girl she was trying to beat in her overachiever conquest, and then to a time when the Georgia sun settled on her blonde hair and her moist lips descended over hers during golden hour. “You were right this whole time. Ellen, I love Sterling Wesley, and I’m not sure if you agree or not but I just wanted to say thank you for pushing us in the right direction.” April does not regret her words but she is shocked at her own boldness of coming out to her high school mentor. Call it a spur of the moment.

Ellen’s eyes soften at her confession. “April, thank you for trusting me. I think I always knew but its great to here. I can’t really say that I judge y’all. I love you two far too much to do that. But…I can say that I know exactly how you feel. I actually used to have a -friendship- like yours and Sterling’s.” Ellen grabs her hands. “Oh, oh, her name was June whether you believe it or not.” They both chuckle at the coincidence. “Oh she was so great and so kind. An angel, my angel. But those were different times and we just…couldn’t.”

April knows being in the closet was hard but Sterling always reminded her that there were more people out in this country than ever before and it was true. She met so many other lesbians at school who lived amongst more supportive communities. She can’t imagine what life would be like without all these supports she now held for granted.

“I’m so sorry, Ellen.” But it wasn’t too late, right? “Where is June now?”

Ellen dropped her hands. “Oh she…she’s gone with Our Lord. Right after college, she was diagnosed with cancer. I stayed with her the whole time through though.” A single tear rolled down her pristine cheek until she brushed it away with the back of her hand. April hugged her once again. “Oh don’t you fuss about me. I have a greater love that sustains me, the Lord’s love. And I love all of y’all and being of service. It’s my life’s passion from here till Jesus himself comes for me.”

June and Ellen sit with April throughout the trek. Not everyone gets their happy ever after. What if she and Sterling don’t get hers? Or worse, what if Sterling really has settled and moved on? How is she supposed to move on? April almost quits halfway through the trip when they camp out in Yellowstone (a side adventure they’d planned out). The stars were bright and twinkling above them, when her insecurities bubble through.

“Blair, why did I come on this trip?”

They usually both stick to their edge of the bed. Something about *not being near the object of my sister’s desire because ew gross.*

“Because you’re so head over ass for my sister and you’re going to conquer her back.” Blair hasn’t turned around which is very typical of Blair considering she’s probably tired of hearing her gripe over they same bullshit all this time.

“I just...I don’t know. What if I go and she’s with someone?”

This time she does turn around to face her. “Okay first of all, I think she would have told me if she is like really seeing someone. And second of all,” Blair sits up a bit more and grasps one of her shoulders, “April love is for the brave. And if there’s something I’ve learned about you since I’ve known you is that you are not weak. You have massive big clit energy and when you really, really want something you make anyone your bitch until you get it. Love isn’t something that weak people do. Being in love takes a hell of a lot of hope.”

She let’s go of her shoulder and leans back into her pillow. “So shut up already and just waltz in their to get your woman.”

The rest of the trip is light and fun. There’s so much nature to explore across the country. It’s even more fun when along the way some flirty cops stop them and Blair fakes being her girlfriend to get them off their tail. She even throws in a signature lewd hand gesture right when they pull back into the highway.

Berkeley is just 20 minutes away and the nerves jump back at an all-time high.

“Do I look good?” she asks, checking herself out on the rear view mirror.

“No you look like shit.” Blair’s legs are up on the dashboard and she already told her like 50 times on this trip that that is dangerous but she doesn’t seem to care.

“Haha, I’m kidding. You look hot. Like lesbian hot, I guess. Not that you would be my type or anything. Just saying.”

April rolls her eyes and continues driving. It’s 9pm and she had freshened up her makeup and hair at the last stop knowing this would be their last push to the end. They’ve both been silent. It’s likely the Blair is just as nervous as her in seeing Sterling again and praying that shit doesn’t blow over again like it did last time. So many emotions, so little time to process them all. Compartmentalizations no longer working.

“April,” she can’t turn her head completely to look at Blair because her eyes are glued to the road but she motions her head that she’s listening. “I just want to tell you that no matter what happens right now. Me and you are friends. I think, like, almost best friends. I hope we can stay that way.”

She can’t help but turn to look at Blair because this is the first time she’s ever directed such honest need for her in April’s whole life.

April grips the steering wheel tightly. “Of course. This is surprising to me as much as it is to you but honestly, you saved me this year. This has been the best summer and adventure I have ever had.”

They both share watery smiles. “Okay, okay. Let’s pleaseee stop with the sappiness. Play some Eilish and Bridgers and let’s go get our girl!”

When April puts the van in park outside Sterling’s off-campus apartment she wishes the ground would open up and swallow her. But the minute April hears her infectious laugh and catches a glimpse of her from the side mirror, she gets her bearings. “Stevens always win,” she whispers to herself.

“I missed you, my other half,” Blair says.

Sterling’s crying. April can’t see her but she knows by the way her little hiccups come through when she murmurs, “I miss you too Blair-bear.”

When she walks over to them, Sterling’s back is to her and she makes sure to not interrupt their sisterly moment. Blair being Blair though has other plans. “Sterl, I also brought you a surprise.”

“A surprise?” Sterling says still not having seen her. It’s almost as if time itself has stopped and April notices all the tiny new things that make her fall harder for the girl in front of her. Her hair is longer and even in loungewear, April knows she’s been working out, if only because her ass looks tighter and firmer.

April clears her throat and Sterling immediately turns.

* * *

**iv. Sterling**

“April?” April is here. Blair she knows would come around, but April! The last time they were in front of each other they had been at each other’s throats, hurtful words had been shared, and tears had been shed. The only reason why they even took graduation pictures together was because Debbie harshly whispered into her ear that she would regret it the rest of her life, so she complied, even though they both look pissed in the pictures.

So Sterling is perhaps a little shocked that she is here. And yet the butterflies in her stomach suddenly take flight and the crisp Bay Area air gets thinner making it harder and harder to breathe.

“Hi,” April says breathily too. They keep staring at each other until Blair coughs.

“We’re pooped Sterl. It’s been a long ass drive. Are you gonna take us up to your bachelorette pad?” She breaks off the staring contest she has with April and looks to her sister.

“I um. I only have one bed but uh, you can have the sofa if you want April. Except its like a really tiny sofa, but I mean you’re tiny. But like not like that. I didn’t mean it-“

Blair butts in again, “Sterling, hey. I think we get it.”

Rose creeps up through her neck and cheeks, giving her a beautiful complexion despite the obvious California tan. “Oh ha ha, yeah. Ummm so I mean do you wanna come up...”

“I’m actually pretty tired and this van has a bed. I can sleep here.”

Her reactions are delayed by about 10 sec but she nods in agreement and turns to her sister stiffly. “Alright well let’s go Blair.”

It’s only until they are by the stairs that Blair snickers, “Welp that was awkward.”

Sterling holds her tongue till they’re both behind her door. Turning suddenly to Blair, “What is April doing here?”

“You mean, April, my best friend.”

“Yes,” she seethes. “I know she’s your best friend, she’s practically in all your Instagram stories.”

Blair ponders for a second, “Hmmm I didn’t know you were so invested in my Instagram feed.”

Now that’s just silly of Blair to think. “Of course, you’re my sister.”

“Oh really, because it didn’t seem that way when you left.”

Sterling looks at her forlornly. She knows Blair didn’t come all this way to fight with her but Sterling thought she could get away with not hearing about this. “Blair, come on. You know why I did it?”

Blair crosses her arms, looking around her apartment. Thankfully her other two roommates had already left home for the holidays. “To live in a small, shitty California apartment all for the sake of your sexual liberation.”

“Yes.”

“I just wish you would have trusted me with that. I wish you would have trusted our parents and April. All of us.” Blair grabs her by her shoulders. “Did you forget we are your biggest fans? Sure we would have griped and groaned but, me…..Me, Sterling, I wouldn’t have cared, I would have supported you 100 percent.”

Sterling saw and felt the pain her sister held. “I think I know that now but at the time I was scared. I was scared that the minute one of you tried to stop me I’d cave in and not follow my heart. And so I removed myself the opportunity. Because I love you and if you would have told me to stay, I would have but then I wouldn’t be happy thinking about the what-if and blaming you for it.”

They’re both crying now, knowing that the pain they had caused themselves was unnecessary. No one was to blame, but fear itself was. “I’m sorry I was a bitch to you,” Blair whispered into her shoulder.

Sterling kisses her cheeks. “And I’m sorry I ran away. I promise this is the last time I keep something from you and I promise to be honest from now on. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The clock in her room strikes 2am but sleep is nowhere near her. Having Blair here in her room brings a comfort unlike any she’s felt since she got here. Berkeley, the Bay, and California in general have been so good to her. The people and the ambiance is everything Sterling imagined it to be and more. The only thing its missing is her family, her people. Sometimes she’ll sit and crack a joke knowing Blair can keep the gag going but it falls short to roommates. Sometimes she’s running low on energy and wants to quit schoolwork all together and imagines April scolding her but kissing her ear motivating her to finish so she’ll get the reward at the end. Sometimes she wishes Debbie and Anderson were nearby so they can tuck her in goodnight. It’s hard to want everything and not being able to have it all. She makes amends with what she has and currently having Blair here is everything.

“Dude so then April is yapping it up with the skip, giving a really good New York accent might I add. The girl deserves an Oscar, when Blam! I hit em from the back and down he goes. Poor guy never saw it coming. And that was a solid 2k we used to buy the tires and the alternator for the Ace.” What is surprising though is hearing April’s name fall out of Blair’s mouth so nonchalantly.

“So April is like your new best friend?” She asks timidly.

“I suppose yeah. Stevens is cool. She’s like super resourceful and like really good at mechanics AND she also comes up with all these nasty jokes. I would have never thought she was that cool,” Blair gushes.

Sterling tries to answer but silence follows and Blair speaks up again, “Are you like jealous? Because you shouldn’t. I don’t roll that way.”

“No,” Sterling confirms, “I know you don’t. It’s just surprising is all. Usually I was the one who would tell you every new thing I learned about her and now it’s like she’s some stranger you’re sharing to me about.”

Blair flops on to her belly and grabs the pillow to prop it under her chin. “Look can I just say something, Sterl. April came here all this way to apologize and try to make it right because she truly, deeply loves you. You might think I am biased as her new best friend, and you’re right. I totally am. But look, I know, she said some pretty shitty stuff last time but its Stevens we know she has like 50 mental defense mechanisms that are toxic but she’s grown a lot and she’s really trying. You two are totally different but I think that’s why you work so perfectly. Sterling, you can love anyone you want at the end of the day and as long as they don’t hurt you, I’ll support you but April is really good for you. So just think about it okay. Let her do the work and try to convince you.” Blair waits for her response.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Blair smiles mischievously. “Great. Now I can finally go to sleep.”

“Uhuh, are you sure you didn’t want to throw in some pervy joke?”

Blair snickers and wiggles her eyebrows, “Nah I’ll let April tell you all the ones she knows.”

The next morning, Sterling wakes up at 9:00am. It’s so late that it’s likely that Blair and April are probably already up. She reaches the tap the bed beside her and finds it empty, confirming her suspicions.

“Blair?” She says into the living room. There’s a small circular dining table on the corner with a bright neon pink sticky note that wasn’t there the night before.

_Sterl_

_I was serious about last night. Give April a chance._

_She doesn’t know I had booked a flight back to Atlanta._

_Drive back with her. I’ll see y’all soon._

_Xoxo gossip girl LOL ;)_

Suddenly there’s knocking at her door. “Sterling, its me April,” there’s an urgency in her voice and its probably because she’s panicking too. When she opens up the door she finds a frantic April, “I swear I didn’t know she was going to do that. I can’t believe Blair fucking did that. Ugh I should have seen it coming.”

“It’s okay, really, come in.” She moves aside to let April in and Sterling gulps loudly which she regrets immediately right after. She is really super close to embarrassing herself in front of April.

The bane of her existence/object of her affection moves around capturing everything at once. She can tell when she’s making observations, profiling her and storing it away in her mental back pocket. Its annoying, but also extremely sexy. Eventually April’s gaze turns to her, and the scrutiny continues but its much softer. Like her gaze is capturing a mental picture of her.

April is still as adorable and beautiful as she last left her. She wears leggings that show absolutely every hard muscle and a cropped hoodie that shows her hard rock abs. “I saw Starbucks down the street so I brought you a Flat White.” And that right there is the kicker. If she wasn’t wet before just looking at the small woman before her, now she definitely is because the past six months she’s been forced to drink only cold brews with cold foam. Or drip espresso. Ugh.

“Thanks. I should go get dressed and finish packing, so we can go,” she murmurs. She hates that the air is heavy with their awkwardness. She turns to go into her room when suddenly April grips her arm.

“Sterling wait,” April’s hand loosens up instinctively, she would never hurt her, “I think I know why Blair left. She’s giving me a chance. A chance to have the space to apologize and be honest with you.” She sets both Starbucks cups down and pulls out a piece of paper with her perfect handwriting, with red edit notes and scribbles that Sterling can absolutely giggle about. “I wrote this note saying how I felt but its much to drab for my taste. Not when I can try to tell you with my mouth and with my words.”

April stands straight and takes a step toward her. “Sterling Wesley, I am here, having travelled and waited for so long because I would like to apologize to you about the things I said when we last spoke. I was hurt at the moment. I felt betrayed and used, but you were right to feel closeted by my inaction in having us move out of that closet. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive of your decision at the time. It’s one of my greatest regrets. Bowser and Blair both tried to nudge me to move on but it was so hard. My heart just kept coming back to you.”

She pauses her look narrowed more determined. “I love you. I know that now and yet I’ve always known the minute you kissed me at Ellen’s office that day. I haven’t been as brave as I could be but I’m here now. I love you and I want us to work and im here to beg you to forgive me because I’ve been living like a lost woman all summer and fall without you.”

There’s no question asked but it lingers heavy in the air. It’s by far the most beautiful, unorganized thought that has come from April Stevens mouth. She licks her lips to relieve the onslaught of cottonmouth she suddenly feels. She follows her sister’s advise. “Convince me.”

Oh how the tables have turned. When the shorter girl looks at her dumbfounded, Sterling takes a step further standing in her personal space. “Convince me we can do this.”

April stares at her bare shoulder since she’s wearing tank top. Her longer hair is half up and half down, tickling her back but not as intense the goosebumps that settle on her skin by being able to hear April’s shaky breath.

“Okay. You were upset that I was still closeted but right before I left to Penn I came out to both my mom and my dad.”

Oh my god, April came out to her parents. If she could have thrown herself at her she would have, but Sterling wanted to remain firm. “That’s great but we are at opposite ends of this country.”

April crosses her hands and licks her lips thinking. “Yes well, there is an app called FaceTime which works wonders for situations like these. Also, John left numerous amount of frequent flyer miles I can use throughout the year to come visit. We can schedule it together.”

There’s really not much more to debate about it. April flashes her a smirk because she knows she won. Or so she thinks. “What if I’m already seeing someone?”

April stops breathing and Sterling’s gaze challenges her. “Well…I suppose there’s only two ways to go about this. One, I can buy you you’re ticket to Atlanta and you won’t ever have to see me again. Or two I could convince you in other ways.”  
  
This intrigues her. “Other ways?”

“Yeah.” April steps forward again, her head lifting up, their lips so close. “Convince you that I’m way better. It just requires that we both take our clothes off.”

“Oh then I definitely choose this option better.” And she seals the deal.

It isn’t till the next day as they lay half naked in the back of the Ace after another round of lovemaking. It’s the last night they have to sleep in the van before they drive into Atlanta. The Ace is just outside Ozark, Arkansas is where they decided to settle after their small detour in Branson. Blair and April originally had measure to route two paths, a northern one on the way into Berkeley and a southern one on the way into Atlanta, so all the sites on this trip were as new to April as they were to Sterling.

The sun finished setting, and the cold winter weather seeped in. Sterling feels sated and loved and relaxed. She’s about to let sleep wash over her when she hears April fumble next to her. She pops open and eye only to find the other girl struggling to put on her pajama pants whilst staring at her ass.

Her face reddens when she notices she’s been caught. “Are you just going to sleep with your ass out and the doors open?”

She props herself on her elbows looking back at the question at hand. “Yeah why not?”

April crinkles her nose. “There could be serial backwater lake rapists. I’m at least closing the doors. Plus it’s cold.”

She hums accepting that last bit. But settles her head on the pillow again. “Besides my ass looks really good,” she pulls out her gun from the compartment next to her, “And I have my glock locked and loaded right here.”

It’s funny to see April horny but Sterling lives for it. “That’s really hot,” April whispers probably hoping Jesus doesn’t hear her statement.

“I know it is,” she smirks back.

It’s only until April snuggles next to her that Sterling really starts counting her blessings. She didn’t need much convincing after leaving Berkeley. She’d dated around the first semester but everyone seemed to superficial or too careless or not firm enough or too tall. It’s the height that really confirmed that she missed April terribly so. But the words that had been exchanged had been too harsh and in the April/Sterling playbook, April always won verbal debates. There seemed to be no remedy because in Sterling’s mind the ball had always been in April’s court.

It’s funny just a few days ago she confided in Blair that April seemed like a distant stranger but now Sterling knows it took them less than a day to get reacquainted with each other. And now, well now it seems like they never split.

“Sterl, Top 5 moments on this road trip,” April murmurs against her bare shoulder.

There was so many:

  * LA was largely overrated but it was fun to drive along PCH with their hair out.
  * Then they snapped obnoxiously cute pics with the Cabazon Dinosaurs and the Joshua trees
  * They saw all the weird Alien museums in Roswell 
  * The cowboy drag show in Amarillo
  * The Dolly cabaret in Branson



“Hmmm I think my top 5, is 5. Singing to all of Taylor’s top hits down PCH while scarfing down our In-N-Out.”

April smiles, “Yeah classic.”

“4. Would have to be the Jesus Mountain out in the desert.”

“Oh yes. I had forgotten about that.”

Sterling laughed remembering the crazy amount of sex they’d have right after leaving Salvation Mountain.

“3. The drag cowboys.”

April snickers next to her, “I think I liked more the lap dance you gave me there.”

“Oh of course, that’s totally why it’s up there. 2. Would have to be all the mind-blowing sex we are having.”

The other girl nods. “Yes agree, yup.”

And Sterling pauses before announcing one, deciding to intertwine their fingers together. “1. Is you coming back to me.” She pulls her hand up to her lips to press a light kiss on it.

Beside her April lightly exhales sleep having won over her. She’d roll her eyes at having exerted such a romantic moment for nothing. Sterling knows though there is a conviction in her heart. A truth that stands firm now and that will continue to be even after April wakes her up again in the morning. Sterling is going to love her for a very, very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> obvi, title is from Maggie Rogers


End file.
